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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
why do i feel like you are reading this
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.