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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.