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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
My girlfriend told me to grow a pear… What the hell does fruit have to do with killing this spider?
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well