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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.