Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver