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For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."