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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
exercise........you mean extra fries
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas