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Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
I grew up for this?
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.