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I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
I`m never free but I`m available.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
My brain has too many tabs open.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.