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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.