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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Never squat with your spurs on
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"