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Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Haters gonna hate, your honor
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.