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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.