Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.