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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry