Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.