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Mondays should start at noon.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
Safe words are for quitters.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.