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Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Iām giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits