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I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.