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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
The best things in life require no pants.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.