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Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
Some of my best memories are naps.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box