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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.