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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.