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I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.