Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
Life is fun! You should get one.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!