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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!