Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.