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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"