Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.