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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Insert coin to view my status message.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.