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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house