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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!