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I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..