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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"