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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.