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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Please pay me in cash. I`m not trying to hide money from the IRS, I`m trying to hide it from the MRS.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.