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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.