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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
That`s not how I met your mother.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.