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I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.