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I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it