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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject