Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…