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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.