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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park