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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.