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Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
How do nudist clean their glasses?
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...