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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice