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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.