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There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.