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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
drink beer ?? save water
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of