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I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
only 9530 days until retirement.
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.