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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome