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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...