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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness