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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.