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ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
I only accept apologies in cash.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.