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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.