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Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.