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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.