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Why do people say āI saw it with my own eyes.ā Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
You say Iām not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If Iām not cold, Iām hot. I know Iām hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.