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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.