Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
My support group can outdrink your support group.
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.