Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
I was born at a very early age.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M