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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.