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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor