Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
Iām not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.