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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!