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Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel