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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!