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“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.