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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.