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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)