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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.