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You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"