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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.