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I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"