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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.