Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red