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Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Long story short, I love summaries
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.